By Ashley Staley

To celebrate PRIDE month, Chrysalis Pops manager Ashley Staley interviewed two members of the Chrysalis Community and asked them to share some of their lived experience being part of the LGBTQIA+ community.  Chrysalis Clubhouse Supervisor, Kathy Ziegert and Chrysalis Pops participant Alex share important details about the hardship and hope of this transformational community.  

Thank you KZ and Alex for sharing your story, we appreciate and support you!

1. When did you know? What was it like for you to come out, if you have come out?

KZ: I had some sense in high school when I wished my Speed (movie) poster had Sandra Bullock on it instead of Keanu Reeves. I didn’t actually know until age 19 during college when I ended up having a panic attack while walking to class.  Therapy helped and I was able to surround myself with supportive people. 

Alex: I kinda knew when I was 12/13. I grew up in a homophobic/transphobic household. It was daunting to come out, it was kind of intense. I fisrt came out as bisexual – now I’d identify as queer and asexual. It’s been a journey.

2. How does being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community impact your mental health? (thinking about societal factors, cultural factors, relationships, personal well-being, life satisfaction, stigma, sense of community, etc)

KZ: It certainly impacted my mental health as a young adult. I definitely chose paths that lead me to having co-workers and a community that supported my identity, from staying in Madison to choosing Social Work as a profession. Now that I’m in my 40s, having made these choices earlier, I don’t see this part of my identity impacting my mental health very much. 

Alex: It’s been both reassuring to be a part of a community and terrifying because there is so much hate against the LGBTQ community. I’m afraid to hold my girlfriend’s hand in public, and I’m constantly being misgendered. I’ve been lucky in the sense my parents didn’t disown or kick me out. But they still haven’t accepted who I am.

3. What do you wish people would know or understand more about being a part of the “alphabet mafia”?

KZ: I wish our larger society could embrace the gray and see fluidity with all sorts of ways to express oneself. I also wish we could focus on our commonalities vs our differences. 

Alex: It’s A. not a choice and B. it’s not dangerous – we’re not trying to convert people, we’re not coming after your kids, we’re just trying to love. We want the same rights as straight cis white men.

4. What brings you joy or makes you proud as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?  

KZ: It brings me joy when my daughter can stand up in her 2nd grade classroom and proudly state she comes from a family with two moms. And it makes me proud that her classmates and school support her. 

Alex: We’ve come so far. I’m proud of our struggle- we shouldn’t have had to struggle, but we have and we’ve come so far. We need to keep working on our issues, but we’ve come a long way. There is gay equality in some states and the flag has been updated to represent more members of the community.

By Kurt Stapleton

When someone asks me “How did you do it?” I have 1 answer for them. “I was out of options.” I was facing 20 years in prison and losing everything I had. There was no other option. I had to stop using drugs.

Due to my poor choices made up that point on May 12^th 2009, I was going to prison. My substance use disorder had led me to this. I was newly married, out of a job, no money saved, no future plans. I was merely existing and I was miserable.

When I was arrested and sitting in the back of the cop car I was doing the most reflecting I’ve ever done. My thoughts weren’t on “how am I going to get out of this?”, or “what are people going to say when they hear this?” My thoughts were “I’m going to lose my wife.” and “this is where my choices have led me, and I need to change.” That day was the last day I abused drugs. Period. I had no other options. I either stopped abusing and work on myself, or I lose everything I had, which was my wife. She was all I had left and I was no going to let that happen if I could.

So, I started my recovery journey in the back of that cop car. From there I started looking into different programs and meetings and took what I needed and left the rest for others. I chose to work on myself while incarcerated so that I could go home to my wife with a new attitude and outlook on life. By utilizing the self-help books that I had access to, attending AA meetings, and working with an AODA counselor in prison, I was able to see where things started going wrong and address the underlying issues. There were a lot of childhood traumas that went unchecked for many years and the drugs only acted as a Band-Aid over them. It wasn’t until I finally addressed each trauma, one by one, that I was able to finally heal, release the pain and guilt I held inside, and move forward with my inner child. Doing this internal work is what set me free from the pain I held inside and I noticed I was looking at life in a more positive view. I had hopes and dreams for the first time in a long time.

As the years go by, I reflect on those moments and what was going through my head. I was so fixated on getting the drug that I had no concept of consequences. It had no meaning to me at that point. Today I live a life that I had only dreamt of 13 years ago. I did not think this was possible and I’m proving myself worthy every day.

I chose to become a peer support specialist so I can help others who are in the moment that I had been in only 13 years ago. Trying to help them find hope and inspiration so they don’t go blind to the consequences or give up.

Today, I reflect on my past and I see how far I’ve come in my journey. I look back at all of the people who were there to help me along the way and share with me their advice, tips, stories of hope and inspiration.

Today, I am maintaining my life with recovery because of the knowledge everyone shared with me. And for that, I thank you and I will continue to pass that knowledge on to others.

By Alysha Clark

The chatter had been circling the Chrysalis Clubhouse for months. Cody Vogel- a two year colleague of the Clubhouse wanted to race in the 11th Annual Moving for Mental Health along with 120 other people in the community. His dream was to get the fastest time. To prepare, Cody raced Chrysalis Clubhouse members- including Chrysalis Clubhouse Supervisor Kathy Ziegert, “KZ.”

But this isn’t KZ’s first time running- she has completed several triathlons and even an Ironman. Her other passion is supporting people with significant mental health challenges in finding community through the Clubhouse model. So combining her two passions of running and supporting Cody, a Clubhouse colleague- just made sense. 

On Sunday, May 1st, Cody was on the start line and KZ on a bike ready to lead the race and ensure everyone’s safety. But KZ saw another opportunity- coach Cody along the way as he ran this 5K. KZ reminded Cody to pace himself when he started, he had a long way to go. 

Moving for Mental Health is a beautiful route along the lake in Madison, Wisconsin but it also can have some confusing turns and with the slight rain showers, it can be slippery. KZ knew this all too well with her own training and she was in Cody’s ear the whole race, “slow down, your legs are turning to jelly, there isn’t anyone behind you”, “careful on the bridge it could be slippery.” Cody stayed focused, determined to prove to himself that he could do this. 

As Cody came over the bridge he was cheered on by Chrysalis staff, community members and Clubhouse colleagues, passing the finish line in first place. Cody’s smile was so big we could barely see his eyes. 

“I was moved to tears watching Cody reach his goal with KZ by his side encouraging him every step of the way. I was witnessing the transformation that can happen when someone is supported within a Clubhouse! If everyone with a significant mental health challenge could have people supporting them like KZ did that day- we would understand what community care really means.” -Alysha Clark, Certified Peer Specialist and Director of Advocacy and Operations at Chrysalis.

By Alysha Clark

For me it starts with tightness in my chest while feeling nauseous- it might lead to an out of body experience where I feel like I am observing what is happening rather than experiencing it.  All I want to do is leave the situation and curl up in a safe space.  Sometimes, this is followed by dreams of past traumas along with irritability and a low tolerance for stress.  This unfortunately would happen in some of the worst times, like in the community supporting someone in going to the food pantry or while having a discussion with my supervisor, or at a family event.  For many years, I was not aware of what was happening to me, but with some support, love and awareness, I have learned that I am experiencing a “trigger.”

The word trigger is used frequently and the experience is different for every person.   So I think it is important to describe what it is in a general sense.  Triggers are an emotional reaction to a certain situation, topic, smell, taste, sound, person, news article, social media post, ect.  While providing Peer Support services in the community and in everyday life, I started to learn what situations trigger me and what I can do to support myself in that situation.  It is important to note that when we are experiencing a trigger, sometimes it is no one’s “fault” but rather our bodies trying to identify danger and support us in avoiding it.

Here are some ways I have learned to support myself during a “triggering” time, they have helped tremendously.  

1. Prepare for the meeting/situation:  Sometimes I know that a certain person or situation can trigger me easily- like intense arguments.  If I know this, I try to prepare myself for the meeting by doing some breathing and meditation beforehand.  I usually pick an affirmation to repeat to myself during the time such as “I am safe and I am loved.”  Or “this meeting does not define who I am.”
2. Bring along love and support to the meeting:  Someone once suggested that I “bring my support system with me” theoretically when I go to the meeting. I will talk to a trusted person before the meeting and let them know I would appreciate their support.  Then I would meditate on that person being with me in the meeting and remind myself of that during the meeting.
3. Have an object for comfort: Find an object that has emotional meaning to you, that you can touch, rub and hold.  I use rocks, essential oils, stress balls, bracelets, and rings.  When rubbing it, I remind myself of its emotional significance and the love that it holds.  I keep these in different places around my office, car, purse, and home to pull out when I need some extra support or would like the comfort.
4. Take a break: It is okay to ask for a break if you are feeling triggered.  Sometimes though, I don’t want to tell others this so I might go to the bathroom.  While in the bathroom or on the way, I will again say positive affirmations and check in with my body, noticing where I might be tense and reflect on what is happening.  
5. Change your environment: I thrive when I have sun and fresh air around me.  So I might ask if we can have the meeting outside or go for a walk.  I also do much better when I am taking notes during a meeting if I am feeling stressed.  So I might offer to be the note taker, or take notes for the person I am chatting with.  I also might change the way I am sitting.  Sometimes sitting in front of someone looking right at them can cause a transfer of their energy to me- so I might change the direction of my body diagonally or look right above their head.  
6. Ask for what you need: Sometimes I am very open about what is happening in my body.  I have opened up to others about my past traumas, experiences and history.  If I am providing Peer Support services, I might explain a certain word or phrase and why it is triggering, ask them if they would use a different word in the future.   
7. Leave if you need to: For whatever reason, you can leave if you need to.  If this is during work, explain that you need to pause.  Then talk to your Supervisor, HR Person, and/or a trusted coworker about the situation.  
8. Engage in wellness afterwards: Sometimes I am fine through the really triggering situation but then afterward have a load of mental health challenges that pop up.  When the pandemic first came up, I was surprisingly calm but after a while, I started having some of the worst mental health challenges in my life.  So I have learned that engaging in wellness afterwards is extremely important to me.  For me, this looks like attending my therapy sessions, a Yin Yoga class, watching tv for a whole day in bed, crying it out, getting a massage, eating healthy, going for coffee/tea, sleeping and taking a hike.  But most importantly- I try to have RADICAL self compassion.  

Thank you for taking the time to read some way I have supported myself when I am triggered. While I have learned a lot over time, I still recognize that I change everyday and it is important to recognize what supported me before may not in the future.  It is critical that I continue to look for teachers of this work, listen for what has supported others and openly share to create dialogues that deepen my understanding. 

What are some ways you support yourself?

By Chris Kittoe, Employment Specialist at Chrysalis

I couldn’t be more proud or grateful to be part of the Chrysalis community as an Employment Specialist.  As a newer member of the Chrysalis team, I can’t overstate how incredible it feels to have joined such a unique and diverse team that is so adherent to guiding principles and committed to a collective push toward societal change and improvement.  I am consistently inspired by the team and the community and feel a great sense of hope knowing that Chrysalis exists as it does. 

Hope is a central component of all Chrysalis programs and to Chrysalis’ perspective in the community.  We know that hope is essential in life – in work, in recovery, in relationships, in growth, in dealing with setbacks, in pursuing dreams and achieving goals, in making change, in reflecting and in considering the future – in all aspects of life.  We at Chrysalis talk a lot about holding hope for those we support and those in our lives and community in general when hope proves difficult for them to find, feel, or maintain.  Chrysalis does a number of types of extremely impactful work with individuals and the community.  Holding hope stands alongside each of these as an immeasurably valuable action Chrysalis takes on behalf of those we support and and in support of our mission and values in the larger community.  Holding hope is like keeping a candle lit in a dark and drafty space.  The light is essential to seeing and navigating a path that leads out of the darkness and many factors could easily lead to its extinguishment.  The more factors there are to struggle against, the less one is able to put into keeping the candle lit and sometimes it is blown out and finding a way out through the darkness without it becomes the (much more daunting) task at hand.  It is during these times in life – when these factors feel stronger than ones grip on the light and ability to protect and nourish it – that having someone else to hold and care for that flame can make all the difference.  By holding hope when others may not feel or recognize it, we keep that candlelight alive and well, on the ready to shed its light and warmth when people are ready to take it back.  We do not cultivate or provide hope – we hold it.  We seek it and hold it and offer it and share it and celebrate it and keep it alive and well.   

By supporting Chrysalis in this fundraising effort, you are holding hope.  You are supplementing and strengthening our hopefulness and sharing light and warmth by allowing us to continue to provide services and offer programming which is not supported by government funding.  You are signaling that you are hopeful about the outcomes people and the community can achieve and about the role Chrysalis might play in those successes.  You are showing support and holding hope for the simple, human idea that everyone is worth it – that everyone deserves opportunity, choice, support, and – you guessed it – HOPE!

Thank you so much for holding and sharing hope by making a donation.  Your dollars will go directly to supplementing our efforts to support people in navigating their lives with purpose and hope!